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We are gathered here today to
immortalize in song the life and

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a great legend.

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So sit back, relax.

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and enjoy your low -calorie popcorn and
assorted confections while we tell you

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00:01:30,950 --> 00:01:37,650
the strange and bewildering tale of a
hero who has yet to enter his own story.

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Okay, everybody.

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Let's take it from the top.

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The stage is set. The night moist with
apprehension.

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Alone in her chamber, the princess
prepares to take her own life.

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It is far better to nourish worms than
to live without love.

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She reaches for the poisoned chalice.

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Meanwhile, the wicked Malvolio plots his
attention to the throne.

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While her aging father lies gravely ill.

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goes there.

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Tis I, the much -anticipated hero
returning to rescue his emotionally

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maiden. Unhand her, you jailers of
virtue, or taste the bitter sting of my

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vengeance.

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The sting of my... Dr.

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Marks.

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Dr. Marks, I'm not getting anything from
you.

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00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:50,640
People, we've talked about this. Acting
is reacting.

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00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:54,040
Victor, you were wooden. There, I said
it. Mr. Timms?

23
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You were good.

24
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Perhaps a little too good.

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00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:00,120
What's that, Victor?

26
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My character's undefined? That's absurd.

27
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I know who I am. I'm the guy, the
protagonist, the hero. Every story needs

28
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hero. I mean, who else is better
qualified to bask in the adulation of

29
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:14,860
numerous companions?

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The stage is waiting.

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The audience thirsts for adventure.

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Who am I?

33
00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:45,800
I could be anyone.

34
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:52,220
I could be the sea captain returning
from a mighty voyage to reclaim his

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00:03:52,220 --> 00:03:53,220
mechanical arm.

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Or I could be the rogue anthropologist
battling pythons down in the Congo.

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And if you desire romance,

38
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I will become the greatest lover the
world has ever known!

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Hola.

40
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I couldn't help but notice you noticing
me noticing you.

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You know, the women find me
uncomfortably good -looking. But you

42
00:04:24,820 --> 00:04:25,820
at ease.

43
00:04:26,380 --> 00:04:30,460
Oh, stop it. No, really. What are you
doing?

44
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Are those real?

45
00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:39,000
Conflict? Victor, you were right. I have
been undefined.

46
00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:45,080
People, I've had an epiphany. The hero
cannot exist in a vacuum. What our story

47
00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:49,340
needs is an ironic, unexpected event
that will propel the hero into conflict.

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That's right. You.

49
00:06:33,370 --> 00:06:34,370
Don't be shy.

50
00:06:34,630 --> 00:06:35,630
Come on.

51
00:06:35,790 --> 00:06:36,790
It's okay.

52
00:06:37,450 --> 00:06:38,890
A little closer.

53
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I won't bite you.

54
00:06:46,050 --> 00:06:48,230
I need a little help here.

55
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Are you okay?

56
00:06:51,170 --> 00:06:53,570
I must get to the other side.

57
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:57,390
The other side? You mean just now that
was you crossing the road? That's why

58
00:06:57,390 --> 00:06:58,390
the...

59
00:06:59,390 --> 00:07:00,390
Why'd you do that?

60
00:07:00,410 --> 00:07:01,550
This is my quest.

61
00:07:02,070 --> 00:07:03,450
He waits for me.

62
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:04,790
Who?

63
00:07:05,090 --> 00:07:07,010
The spirit of the West, amigo.

64
00:07:07,650 --> 00:07:12,870
The one. They say he rides an alabaster
carriage with golden guardians to

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00:07:12,870 --> 00:07:14,690
protect him. What are you talking about?

66
00:07:15,670 --> 00:07:18,610
Enlightenment. We are nothing without
it.

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00:07:19,190 --> 00:07:23,850
Nothing? Your delusional quest just
ruined my life. I had an incredibly

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00:07:23,850 --> 00:07:28,350
social network going. Highly
sophisticated friends. I was very

69
00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:29,860
I don't see no friends.

70
00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:34,340
Well, uh... You are a very lonely
lizard.

71
00:07:35,380 --> 00:07:40,260
Look, I need water, hydration. My teeth
are chapped. I need lotion. I'm down to

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00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:43,360
one layer of skin already. Pretty soon
I'm going to start seeing my insides.

73
00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:45,100
unlike what you've got going there.

74
00:07:45,700 --> 00:07:49,560
Listen, I can't survive in the desert,
okay? I don't belong here.

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00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:50,800
That may be true.

76
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But here you are.

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Now, help me up.

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And I will help you find what you seek.

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00:07:58,810 --> 00:08:00,470
You will? And perhaps more.

80
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Quickly now. I must get back to my
quest.

81
00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:06,210
You mean you've done this before? Oh,
yes. Many times.

82
00:08:07,090 --> 00:08:08,310
Come, come.

83
00:08:08,810 --> 00:08:10,050
That's it. Pull my finger.

84
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,430
The spirit is waiting for me.

85
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Okay, okay.

86
00:08:18,210 --> 00:08:19,210
Okay.

87
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That's not going to work.

88
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I must get to the other side.

89
00:08:24,410 --> 00:08:27,850
Why don't you just wait until there are
no cars coming?

90
00:08:28,190 --> 00:08:30,210
It's not so easy as it looks. What?

91
00:08:30,990 --> 00:08:31,990
It's a metaphor.

92
00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:25,440
Knowledge is fraught with consequence.

93
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:28,700
Yeah, I'm just looking for the path to
water.

94
00:09:28,940 --> 00:09:33,560
If you want to find water, you must
first find dirt.

95
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Dirt.

96
00:09:37,140 --> 00:09:38,980
Destiny, she is kind to you.

97
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:40,580
Tomorrow is Wednesday.

98
00:09:40,900 --> 00:09:42,260
The water comes.

99
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:49,240
At noon, the townspeople gather for a
mysterious ritual. Whoa, what? A town?

100
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,580
mean like with real people and
everything? Where?

101
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:52,900
A day's journey.

102
00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:54,700
Follow your shadow.

103
00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:59,760
You want me to just walk out into the
desert?

104
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,100
That's the way.

105
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:07,960
Okay. So you're saying there's a town, a
real town, not a metaphor town. Go on.

106
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:09,200
It's okay.

107
00:10:09,580 --> 00:10:10,580
Okay.

108
00:10:11,140 --> 00:10:12,260
Well, then I'm going.

109
00:10:13,340 --> 00:10:15,520
I'm leaving the road now.

110
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I'm walking into the desert alone.

111
00:10:21,550 --> 00:10:23,610
We all have our journeys to make.

112
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I will see you on the other side.

113
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All the closest of friends.

114
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We sing of his courage in magnificent
song.

115
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,240
But pay close attention,

116
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he won't be here long.

117
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Here in the Mojave Desert, animals have
had millions of years to adapt to the

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00:11:32,740 --> 00:11:33,740
harsh environment.

119
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But the lizard?

120
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He's going to die.

121
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Four score, seven years ago.

122
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Our father... Don't move.

123
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:43,720
What?

124
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:50,500
Don't move!

125
00:11:50,780 --> 00:11:51,439
Not moving!

126
00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:52,440
Not moving.

127
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,020
Try to blend in.

128
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,320
What?

129
00:12:00,460 --> 00:12:01,460
Blend in.

130
00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:02,660
What are you saying?

131
00:12:03,580 --> 00:12:05,840
Too late.

132
00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:07,800
No, no, it's not too late. I'm blending.

133
00:12:08,020 --> 00:12:09,020
I'm a blender.

134
00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:10,260
Hey, calm down.

135
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:11,339
What are you doing?

136
00:12:11,340 --> 00:12:12,340
Stop moving.

137
00:12:16,260 --> 00:12:18,020
Try not to look conspicuous.

138
00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:29,140
What are you doing? I'm blending.

139
00:12:29,630 --> 00:12:32,570
Don't build somewhere else. Don't
detract. No room at the inn. It's an

140
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a science.

141
00:12:33,110 --> 00:12:34,310
Find your own hiding place.

142
00:12:35,010 --> 00:12:36,490
Oh, here she comes.

143
00:12:36,830 --> 00:12:38,190
You better run, Mojito. What?

144
00:12:38,430 --> 00:12:41,470
I thought you said don't move. That was
before. Now, you run.

145
00:12:44,850 --> 00:12:45,850
Adios, amigo.

146
00:14:15,690 --> 00:14:16,690
You're practically related.

147
00:14:16,910 --> 00:14:20,090
Come on, move over. I let you get my...

148
00:15:58,060 --> 00:16:01,100
Get your slimy -wibbed phalanges off my
boots.

149
00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:04,720
Oh, uh, sorry. I got a bead on you,
stranger.

150
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:06,460
See, get up real slow.

151
00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:09,220
Less than you want to spend a bit of
part of the afternoon putting your face

152
00:16:09,220 --> 00:16:10,199
back together.

153
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,560
No, no, no, ma 'am, I don't. Who are
you?

154
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:16,540
Who am I? I'm asking the questions here.
Our town is drying up.

155
00:16:16,780 --> 00:16:19,560
We're in the middle of a drought. Now
someone has doubled water in the desert.

156
00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:22,680
Now, it's a puzzle of undeterminable
size and dimension, but I intend to find

157
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:24,580
out what role you're playing in all
this.

158
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:25,499
A role?

159
00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:27,200
What are you involved in?

160
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:32,500
Oh, well, I'm glad you asked. I've got
two one acts, a mystery, and a musical

161
00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:35,380
I've been gestating. I got the words.
I'm just kind of working on the melody

162
00:16:35,380 --> 00:16:40,980
right now. It's like a... I think it's
going to be a western. A monkey got a

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00:16:40,980 --> 00:16:44,320
cracker. His mother was a slumber.
She'll be coming round the mountain in

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00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:45,320
rain.

165
00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:49,900
You ain't from around here, are you?

166
00:16:51,860 --> 00:16:53,480
I'm still working on it.

167
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:56,900
So, what's your name?

168
00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,140
Bean. That's a funny kind of name.

169
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:00,359
What can I say?

170
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:02,100
My daddy plumb loved baked beans.

171
00:17:02,380 --> 00:17:04,180
Well, you're lucky he didn't plumb love
asparagus.

172
00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:05,500
What are you saying?

173
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:09,140
I mean, I enjoy a hearty pudinesca
myself, but I'm not sure that a child

174
00:17:09,140 --> 00:17:10,140
appreciate the moniker.

175
00:17:10,339 --> 00:17:13,900
My daddy was a great man. Even if he did
exhibit a proclivity for legumes.

176
00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:19,819
Spicy. You are eating his ass. You carry
his remains?

177
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:24,960
No, his ashes. He loved to smoke. They
never found the body. Oh, well, I'm sure

178
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:25,879
he had his reasons.

179
00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:27,339
What are you implying? Nothing.

180
00:17:27,540 --> 00:17:31,600
My daddy was never mere that, mind you.
He had been sober for over a month. And

181
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:34,720
for you to insinuate that he would
abandon his parental responsibilities at

182
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,740
delicate time on my personal development
is an affront to my sense of...

183
00:17:37,740 --> 00:17:42,900
Miss Beans?

184
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:45,280
Miss Beans?

185
00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:46,500
Hello?

186
00:18:12,150 --> 00:18:13,150
What? What?

187
00:18:13,230 --> 00:18:14,830
What are you doing? What are you doing?

188
00:18:15,050 --> 00:18:18,610
What am I doing? You're cuddling me. You
were frozen. No, I wasn't. Yes, you

189
00:18:18,610 --> 00:18:19,610
were. You stopped talking.

190
00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:22,050
Well, it's a defense mechanism.

191
00:18:22,390 --> 00:18:23,610
Actually, lots of losers have it.

192
00:18:24,070 --> 00:18:25,070
You're making that up.

193
00:18:25,850 --> 00:18:28,250
So, you get a diet here or you want to
ride into town?

194
00:18:28,510 --> 00:18:29,409
No, no, no. Yeah.

195
00:18:29,410 --> 00:18:31,030
No. Yes, please. Thank you.

196
00:18:32,310 --> 00:18:33,310
Today's Wednesday.

197
00:18:33,470 --> 00:18:35,030
Wednesday's when we all get to it.

198
00:18:35,670 --> 00:18:37,910
So, who are you really?

199
00:18:38,230 --> 00:18:39,870
Well, I'm a man of many epithets.

200
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,400
There's my stage name, my pen name, my
avatar.

201
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:44,700
Had a pseudonym once, but had it legally
changed.

202
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:51,900
And so the stranger, seeking
companionship, finds the woman, much

203
00:18:51,900 --> 00:18:57,280
sirens of ancient times, luring him to
his certain demise.

204
00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:04,100
I'm actually one of the few men with a
maiden name. Whoa, here we are.

205
00:19:13,969 --> 00:19:17,210
I sure do appreciate this, Miss Beans,
and if there's ever anything that I

206
00:19:17,210 --> 00:19:18,210
can... Get on up!

207
00:19:19,550 --> 00:19:20,550
Okay, then.

208
00:19:21,390 --> 00:19:22,890
See ya, Beans.

209
00:19:40,070 --> 00:19:41,070
Good night, Jim.

210
00:19:41,330 --> 00:19:43,210
Well, we gave it our best shot.

211
00:19:43,580 --> 00:19:46,840
We had to sell out. Can't grow no crops
without no water.

212
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:49,760
Bye now.

213
00:19:54,020 --> 00:19:55,020
Ow!

214
00:19:55,220 --> 00:20:00,860
What was that for?

215
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:02,740
You're funny looking.

216
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:04,440
Oh, yeah?

217
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:05,720
You're funny looking, too.

218
00:20:05,940 --> 00:20:07,180
That's a funny looking shirt.

219
00:20:07,460 --> 00:20:10,160
It's a funny looking dress. You got
funny looking eyes. You got a funny

220
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:11,160
face.

221
00:20:11,660 --> 00:20:12,660
You're a stranger.

222
00:20:13,540 --> 00:20:15,260
Strangers don't last long here.

223
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:17,860
Here's your beans, Beans.

224
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:20,360
I'm gonna need some more feed, too,
Willie.

225
00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:22,620
Now, Beans, you owe me three quarts
already.

226
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:24,480
I can't give you no more credit.

227
00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:26,560
But I'll have what I owe you at noon.

228
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:27,880
You don't understand.

229
00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:32,060
It's Mr. Merrimack down at the bank. He
cut off all credit.

230
00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:33,520
Hey, Beans!

231
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,720
Beans! You know that there, fella?

232
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:38,200
Hey, Beans! Miss Beans!

233
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:41,480
Nope. Hey, Beans! Huh?

234
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:42,720
Hey.

235
00:21:11,590 --> 00:21:12,590
Look.

236
00:22:18,700 --> 00:22:20,520
I'd like a glass of water.

237
00:22:22,120 --> 00:22:25,020
He wants a glass of water!

238
00:22:25,580 --> 00:22:27,000
Make it a double!

239
00:22:27,420 --> 00:22:28,440
Just the two!

240
00:22:34,020 --> 00:22:35,020
Cactus juice.

241
00:22:35,580 --> 00:22:36,700
That's what we got.

242
00:23:02,350 --> 00:23:03,149
Fruit Cup?

243
00:23:03,150 --> 00:23:06,210
You're a long way from home, ain't ya?

244
00:23:06,990 --> 00:23:09,710
Who exactly are you?

245
00:23:13,910 --> 00:23:14,930
Who am I?

246
00:23:16,810 --> 00:23:18,130
I could be anyone.

247
00:23:22,010 --> 00:23:23,130
What's the matter?

248
00:23:23,450 --> 00:23:26,710
You missing your mommy's mangoes?

249
00:23:27,350 --> 00:23:29,650
As a matter of fact, I am.

250
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,580
Not as much as your daddy's cooking!

251
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:35,960
Exactly.

252
00:23:36,420 --> 00:23:38,580
Where did you say you were from? Me?

253
00:23:40,220 --> 00:23:41,220
I'm from the west.

254
00:23:41,460 --> 00:23:43,380
Out there, beyond the horizon.

255
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:44,920
Past the sunset.

256
00:23:45,580 --> 00:23:47,080
The far west.

257
00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:50,840
Yeah, that's right, hombres.

258
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:55,580
Place I come from, we kill a man before
breakfast just to work up an appetite.

259
00:23:56,700 --> 00:23:57,700
Then we thaw him.

260
00:23:57,900 --> 00:23:58,980
Then we pepper him.

261
00:23:59,310 --> 00:24:00,730
Then we braise him in clarified butter.

262
00:24:00,950 --> 00:24:03,110
And then we eat him.

263
00:24:03,450 --> 00:24:05,150
You eat him? That's what I said!

264
00:24:05,830 --> 00:24:09,250
Hell, I see things make a grown man lose
control of his glandular functions.

265
00:24:09,690 --> 00:24:12,590
You spend three days in a horse carcass
living off your own juices.

266
00:24:12,930 --> 00:24:13,950
It'll change a man.

267
00:24:14,830 --> 00:24:15,830
Oh, yeah.

268
00:24:18,350 --> 00:24:20,850
Had a few extra ages in this deck,
gentlemen.

269
00:24:21,310 --> 00:24:22,550
The way I like it.

270
00:24:23,230 --> 00:24:27,750
So no, my hair -suit little rodent
friend. I am not from around these

271
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:31,480
You might say I'm from everywhere
there's trouble brewing and hell waiting

272
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:32,480
raised.

273
00:24:32,500 --> 00:24:35,740
You might say I'm what hell's already
raised up.

274
00:24:37,860 --> 00:24:40,560
Named Rango.

275
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:47,660
Are you the fellow that killed them
Jenkins brothers?

276
00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:50,760
Uh -huh. Killed them with one bullet.

277
00:24:51,540 --> 00:24:52,720
Don't get no debtor.

278
00:24:53,460 --> 00:24:55,220
Oh, seven of them.

279
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:57,560
That's right.

280
00:24:58,490 --> 00:24:59,830
All seven of them.

281
00:25:01,430 --> 00:25:04,310
Exactly how you do that, Mr. Rangel?

282
00:25:07,050 --> 00:25:08,270
You know, I'm glad you asked me that.

283
00:25:08,770 --> 00:25:13,070
And I will be happy to tell you how. But
you're all going to have to listen up.

284
00:25:14,130 --> 00:25:17,830
Because this is where it gets...
complicated.

285
00:25:20,470 --> 00:25:23,970
Well, that'll close out your account,
Mrs. Oates. Two goats and a swig.

286
00:25:24,250 --> 00:25:25,250
Hands off, Mordecai!

287
00:25:25,470 --> 00:25:27,150
That's what's left of your college
education.

288
00:25:29,470 --> 00:25:31,430
I don't quite have no other choice,
Beans.

289
00:25:32,010 --> 00:25:35,550
Time's being so hard, we just can't give
no more credit.

290
00:25:36,650 --> 00:25:40,110
But this here is a bank. This is where
you keep the water. I keep the water.

291
00:25:42,870 --> 00:25:49,830
Beans, you've been like a niece to me
ever since your daddy did not fall

292
00:25:49,830 --> 00:25:51,490
drunk down a mine shaft.

293
00:25:51,770 --> 00:25:55,650
And I've tried to protect you and others
from certain...

294
00:25:56,000 --> 00:26:01,680
Realities? Oh, well, the weight of them
realities are bearing down. Mr.

295
00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:04,620
Merrimack. Are you all right?

296
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:08,680
Beans, I need to show you something.

297
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:17,900
That's all that's left.

298
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:19,940
And this here is the reserve.

299
00:26:20,220 --> 00:26:24,280
I don't know as if you've noticed, but
folks just ain't making deposits on a

300
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:25,280
Wednesday no more.

301
00:26:25,620 --> 00:26:29,100
Mr. Merrimack, if I don't get some
water, I'm going to lose my ranch, and

302
00:26:29,100 --> 00:26:31,200
telling me that's all that's left in the
whole town?

303
00:26:31,540 --> 00:26:32,620
Now, that just don't make no sense.

304
00:26:33,220 --> 00:26:34,220
Now, listen.

305
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:38,780
Someone is dumping water in the desert.

306
00:26:39,540 --> 00:26:41,700
I've seen it with my own eyes.

307
00:26:43,900 --> 00:26:45,140
Water in the desert.

308
00:26:45,860 --> 00:26:48,840
Was this during one of your special
times?

309
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:51,880
No. Well, we can all dream.

310
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:54,160
But this is the reality.

311
00:26:54,460 --> 00:26:58,310
What? do you think so many people are
selling out? They just can't make it.

312
00:26:58,650 --> 00:27:00,570
Well, what am I supposed to do?

313
00:27:01,250 --> 00:27:05,870
Well, I suppose we could talk to the
mayor. I hear he's been helping people

314
00:27:05,870 --> 00:27:06,910
in this time of crisis.

315
00:27:07,190 --> 00:27:08,190
The mayor?

316
00:27:08,450 --> 00:27:10,750
He may be our only hope.

317
00:27:11,370 --> 00:27:14,830
A bullet hits the shovel, ricochets back
towards number three, and that's when

318
00:27:14,830 --> 00:27:18,370
the roof caved in, igniting the thermos
of pure grain alcohol, instantly

319
00:27:18,370 --> 00:27:22,410
vaporizing his bodily form, leaving
nothing but a charcoal statue and a high

320
00:27:22,410 --> 00:27:23,410
-pitched squeal.

321
00:27:31,310 --> 00:27:32,310
That's only six.

322
00:27:32,370 --> 00:27:33,810
What happened to number seven?

323
00:27:34,890 --> 00:27:35,930
Number seven?

324
00:27:36,570 --> 00:27:38,690
Hell, he died of infection.

325
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:07,700
We'll stay long, my friend. If I see
your face in this town again, I'm going

326
00:28:07,700 --> 00:28:11,200
slice it off and use it to wipe my
unmentionables.

327
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:12,960
Mind the beak.

328
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:16,220
Don't come back!

329
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:21,080
What are you all gawping at?

330
00:28:24,980 --> 00:28:27,180
Hey, Bill, there's something I can't do.

331
00:28:33,290 --> 00:28:34,290
What is this?

332
00:28:34,650 --> 00:28:35,770
You know who that is, Bill?

333
00:28:36,490 --> 00:28:38,210
That there's Rangel.

334
00:28:38,470 --> 00:28:40,230
Yeah, yeah, he ain't afraid of you.

335
00:28:40,550 --> 00:28:44,050
He ain't afraid of none of you. Killed
them Jenkins brothers.

336
00:28:44,350 --> 00:28:45,950
Done it with one bullet, Bill.

337
00:28:46,230 --> 00:28:47,350
All seven of them.

338
00:28:47,750 --> 00:28:48,750
Is that right?

339
00:29:23,580 --> 00:29:24,580
Oh. Oh,

340
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:28,840
let me get that.

341
00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:30,800
No.

342
00:29:34,620 --> 00:29:35,800
Oh, I know. Here.

343
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:38,040
Oh.

344
00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:40,820
Just stick.

345
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:42,300
Careful, that's for you.

346
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:45,080
All better.

347
00:30:13,889 --> 00:30:15,570
All right, now listen.

348
00:30:15,810 --> 00:30:18,730
I want to give you fellas one last
chance to reconsider.

349
00:30:22,510 --> 00:30:29,350
And if you don't want to reconsider, I
might consider reconsidering

350
00:30:29,350 --> 00:30:30,350
myself.

351
00:30:41,580 --> 00:30:43,080
Now, that's what I'm talking about.

352
00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:45,080
Yeah.

353
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:46,680
All right, now, listen up.

354
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:49,680
Things are going to be different around
here now that Ringo's in town.

355
00:30:50,020 --> 00:30:51,020
Got a new rule.

356
00:30:51,260 --> 00:30:53,520
I want my shoes shined every morning
when I call behind.

357
00:30:53,820 --> 00:30:54,820
Danny's on the side.

358
00:30:55,020 --> 00:30:57,220
Whatever you do, don't look me in the
eye.

359
00:30:57,420 --> 00:30:59,900
Stay out of my peripheral vision.

360
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:03,200
It's Ringo. What's he up to? He ain't
afraid of nobody.

361
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:05,000
He's a -telling that bird what for.

362
00:31:05,420 --> 00:31:07,160
When you see me coming, stand aside.

363
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:11,080
I take large steps, and I don't want
none of you hay thieves getting your

364
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:12,080
fluids on my boots.

365
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:20,080
Of course, there is no need for violence
as long as we stick together and work

366
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:20,899
as a team.

367
00:31:20,900 --> 00:31:25,020
So I want you all to come on outside now
and line up single file while I take a

368
00:31:25,020 --> 00:31:26,020
brief intervention.

369
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:30,000
What's he doing now?

370
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:31,920
I think it's a number two.

371
00:31:54,110 --> 00:31:55,110
Never. Never mind.

372
00:34:18,199 --> 00:34:19,659
He killed that thing.

373
00:34:19,900 --> 00:34:21,620
What do you think, Doc?

374
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:24,880
This hawk is dead.

375
00:34:25,940 --> 00:34:28,040
Shoot. I say we cut that right up.

376
00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:31,400
He did it with one bullet. Just like you
said.

377
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:33,560
It's about time we had a hero around
here.

378
00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:35,420
One wing in a pine box.

379
00:34:36,580 --> 00:34:39,100
I think it's time he met the mayor.

380
00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:40,600
You hear that, Ringo?

381
00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:42,360
You're going to meet the mayor.

382
00:34:42,679 --> 00:34:43,820
Let's hear it for...

383
00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:55,260
And so the stranger basked in the
adulation of his new friends, sinking

384
00:34:55,260 --> 00:34:58,280
into the guacamole of his own deception.

385
00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:00,720
When is he going to die?

386
00:35:01,220 --> 00:35:03,060
Soon, compadre, soon.

387
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:29,620
If you just talk to him.

388
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:33,120
Please. Where are you going? Please.

389
00:35:33,340 --> 00:35:35,140
The mayor will see you now.

390
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:42,420
Water, Mr. Rango.

391
00:35:43,140 --> 00:35:44,140
Water.

392
00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:47,180
Without it, there's nothing but dust and
decay.

393
00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:51,920
But with water, there's life.

394
00:35:54,190 --> 00:35:58,350
Look at them. So desperate to live,
they'll follow it anywhere.

395
00:35:59,990 --> 00:36:02,250
That's the immutable law of the desert.

396
00:36:03,870 --> 00:36:07,310
Control the water, and you control
everything.

397
00:36:08,190 --> 00:36:12,690
But I don't have to tell you that. Being
a true man of the West, as you are.

398
00:36:13,050 --> 00:36:13,868
Oh, yeah.

399
00:36:13,870 --> 00:36:17,050
The West is the best.

400
00:36:17,370 --> 00:36:19,330
This is from my private stock.

401
00:36:19,730 --> 00:36:22,650
Vintage rainwater from the Great Deluge.

402
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:27,200
Not Noah's Day, Louie. Good heavens, I'm
not that old.

403
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:32,180
I guess power has its privileges.

404
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:34,460
You make a good point, son.

405
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:37,920
But with privilege comes responsibility.

406
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:45,660
Hell, I was mayor here before there was
a dirt. And I may be just a sentimental

407
00:36:45,660 --> 00:36:50,720
old turtle. But I think there's a future
for this town. And I hope you'll be

408
00:36:50,720 --> 00:36:51,720
part of it.

409
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:54,800
To dirt.

410
00:36:55,020 --> 00:36:56,020
To dirt.

411
00:36:59,100 --> 00:37:02,900
You see them, Mr. Rango, all my friends
and neighbors?

412
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:05,240
It's a hard life here.

413
00:37:05,980 --> 00:37:07,020
Very hard.

414
00:37:07,980 --> 00:37:10,580
Do you know how they make it through
each and every day?

415
00:37:11,780 --> 00:37:12,780
They believe.

416
00:37:13,580 --> 00:37:16,020
They believe it's going to be better.

417
00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:19,540
They believe that the water will come.

418
00:37:20,140 --> 00:37:24,500
They believe against all odds and all
evidence that tomorrow will be better

419
00:37:24,500 --> 00:37:25,500
today.

420
00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:29,120
People have to believe in something.

421
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:33,360
Right now, they believe in you.

422
00:37:35,380 --> 00:37:37,020
Pick it up, Mr. Rango.

423
00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:39,600
Your destiny awaits.

424
00:37:43,200 --> 00:37:45,700
People have to believe in something.

425
00:37:53,190 --> 00:37:54,190
It's almost noon.

426
00:37:54,410 --> 00:37:55,450
Is everything ready?

427
00:37:55,790 --> 00:37:58,050
Yeah, but he might be a problem.

428
00:37:58,470 --> 00:38:00,170
He's not a problem, William.

429
00:38:00,570 --> 00:38:01,590
He's a solution.

430
00:38:05,190 --> 00:38:06,490
Just don't make no sense.

431
00:38:06,930 --> 00:38:10,610
This whole town is drying up, and the
mayor is the only one who don't seem to

432
00:38:10,610 --> 00:38:12,830
affected. Didn't that make you just a
wee bit suspicious?

433
00:38:13,190 --> 00:38:16,650
And what about that water I saw out in
the desert? All right, all right, all

434
00:38:16,650 --> 00:38:18,970
right, all right. No need to incite
anxiety.

435
00:38:19,270 --> 00:38:23,760
I'll inquire about the mayor, but... If
you really feel there's some conspiracy

436
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:26,740
occurring, I suggest you take it up with
the new sheriff.

437
00:38:27,100 --> 00:38:28,100
Mm -hmm.

438
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:30,600
Oh, hey.

439
00:38:30,940 --> 00:38:34,720
Not too tight now. Want to leave a
little room for some pucker? That's

440
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:41,660
Have you got French cuffs with that?
Excuse me, Sheriff Ringo. I want to talk

441
00:38:41,660 --> 00:38:42,138
you. Hey, Bean.

442
00:38:42,140 --> 00:38:45,240
What do you think of the new dad? I got
a 10 -gallon hat marked down from 15.

443
00:38:45,460 --> 00:38:47,580
That's nice. Have you met Angelique?
Hello, Bean.

444
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:49,280
Hello, Angelique. It's out.

445
00:38:49,540 --> 00:38:51,440
Bloozy. It's right up there. Excuse me.
Excuse me, Mr.

446
00:38:51,660 --> 00:38:54,060
Rango. I will blow that ugly right off
your face.

447
00:38:54,340 --> 00:38:58,960
I was just thinking that I... Oh, you
want the old John Hancock, do you? Well,

448
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:01,840
here, hold this. Chef Rango, this isn't
a social call. There's a bullet in

449
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:04,880
there. Oh, I know, I know all about the
old shindig this afternoon. I ordered

450
00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:08,280
myself some rice fancy duds. Chef, I'd
like to file... Mr. Rango. You do? No

451
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:11,460
problem. Here, let me just... I need you
to investigate. You know, Beans, I'll

452
00:39:11,460 --> 00:39:13,140
bet you clean up real nice. Put a little
leopard into it.

453
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:16,580
What? Now, remember, son, stay in
school, eat your veggies, burn

454
00:39:16,580 --> 00:39:18,720
Shakespeare. Who's Shakespeare? Chef
Rango!

455
00:39:20,010 --> 00:39:21,030
Is your real name?

456
00:39:21,370 --> 00:39:24,870
I'm trying to save my daddy's ranch,
which is on the verge of an agricultural

457
00:39:24,870 --> 00:39:27,890
meltdown while you're playing patty cake
with a huge roll -up.

458
00:39:31,030 --> 00:39:32,030
God, really.

459
00:39:32,370 --> 00:39:33,850
Such a driveless old thing.

460
00:39:34,890 --> 00:39:35,970
Why does she do that?

461
00:39:36,190 --> 00:39:37,530
It's a survival reflex.

462
00:39:37,910 --> 00:39:39,230
Her switch is just broken.

463
00:39:39,470 --> 00:39:42,910
Well, that's an inconvenience. It is not
a rash. It is a burst mark.

464
00:39:45,150 --> 00:39:46,630
I did it again, didn't I?

465
00:39:46,930 --> 00:39:47,930
Did what?

466
00:39:48,170 --> 00:39:49,450
Let me ask you something.

467
00:39:49,670 --> 00:39:53,090
Did anybody here mention what happened
to our last sheriff?

468
00:40:33,870 --> 00:40:40,770
May I ask you, excuse me, may I ask you,
the last sheriff, pardon

469
00:40:40,770 --> 00:40:44,570
me, where did everybody go? What exactly
happened to the...

470
00:41:42,860 --> 00:41:43,860
Still working out those steps.

471
00:41:44,580 --> 00:41:47,600
So, is this considered normal civic
behavior?

472
00:41:47,980 --> 00:41:49,520
Mm -hmm. Every Wednesday.

473
00:41:49,780 --> 00:41:50,960
Just like clockwork.

474
00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:52,500
You killed Bird?

475
00:41:53,020 --> 00:41:54,020
Yeah.

476
00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:55,440
Matter of fact, I did.

477
00:41:56,240 --> 00:41:57,240
Bird dead.

478
00:41:57,580 --> 00:41:58,580
Snake come.

479
00:41:58,780 --> 00:41:59,759
Is it Snake?

480
00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:03,400
He means Rattlesnake Jake, Mr. Rango. He
never comes to town because he's scared

481
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:04,900
of that hawk. But he might come now.

482
00:42:05,340 --> 00:42:06,840
Does that have your boots when you're
dead?

483
00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:10,260
No. I ain't got no problem with this
Rattlesnake Jake.

484
00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:12,260
That's just what Amos said.

485
00:42:12,740 --> 00:42:13,740
Amos?

486
00:42:17,580 --> 00:42:19,480
You got any gold fillin'?

487
00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:26,100
My

488
00:42:26,100 --> 00:42:39,520
fellow...

489
00:42:39,770 --> 00:42:46,050
Dyrtonians, I welcome you to our great
day of deliverance. Hallelujah.

490
00:42:46,470 --> 00:42:47,470
Hallelujah.

491
00:42:48,170 --> 00:42:51,270
Acolytes, prepare the Holy Spigot.

492
00:43:00,470 --> 00:43:05,270
We have a newcomer amongst us today, my
friends.

493
00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:10,520
A man I think needs little introduction
to you. So bold has been his entry into

494
00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:11,520
our fair society.

495
00:43:12,540 --> 00:43:15,600
Mr. Rango, would you step forward?

496
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:23,600
The time has come, my friend.

497
00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:29,360
The time that was foretold. The sacred
time.

498
00:43:29,740 --> 00:43:33,160
The time of destiny.

499
00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:41,780
The time of deliverance. Hallelujah. It
is the time of hydration.

500
00:44:08,830 --> 00:44:10,910
Times will be tough from now on.

501
00:44:11,670 --> 00:44:13,330
Sacrifices will have to be made.

502
00:44:13,710 --> 00:44:18,390
But if I can help in any way, please
know that my daughter is always... Hold

503
00:44:18,390 --> 00:44:19,069
Hold it!

504
00:44:19,070 --> 00:44:23,930
Now, this whole thing stinks three ways
to Sunday. First, the banks run dry, and

505
00:44:23,930 --> 00:44:27,070
now this here spigot. Banks run dry?
What's she talking about? She said...

506
00:44:42,790 --> 00:44:44,350
Thank you very much.

507
00:44:45,530 --> 00:44:49,970
Oh, thank goodness you're here, Sheriff.
Things were getting out of hand.

508
00:44:50,310 --> 00:44:54,450
Come right in, Sheriff. All right, now.
Let me have a gander at the source of

509
00:44:54,450 --> 00:44:56,110
the societal discontentment here.

510
00:45:00,810 --> 00:45:02,170
All right, listen up.

511
00:45:02,510 --> 00:45:05,770
I've been thinking, and I believe I've
figured something out.

512
00:45:06,590 --> 00:45:08,810
You folks have a water problem.

513
00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:13,420
Attention, everybody. I'm trying to make
a point here.

514
00:45:13,900 --> 00:45:17,560
Let's say this belly here were to take a
drink of water. Just one little drink.

515
00:45:17,620 --> 00:45:19,080
No harm. No foul. Right?

516
00:45:22,580 --> 00:45:23,580
And you!

517
00:45:24,100 --> 00:45:27,960
Why, you're just as dried up and parched
as a jackrabbit in July. So you belly

518
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:29,140
on up and take you a double job.

519
00:45:31,240 --> 00:45:32,240
Stay with me.

520
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:36,060
What do you think happens then?

521
00:45:36,500 --> 00:45:37,860
Why, we'd all be drinking.

522
00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:39,880
And before you know it...

523
00:45:45,260 --> 00:45:46,260
We'd be thirsty.

524
00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:48,240
Real thirsty.

525
00:45:48,940 --> 00:45:51,600
Or we'd turn on each other like a bunch
of animals.

526
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:58,980
Now, look here. We have got six days of
water.

527
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:06,140
We have got five days.

528
00:46:08,040 --> 00:46:12,240
As long as we've got water, we've got
ourselves a town.

529
00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:14,400
Sheriff Rango.

530
00:46:14,650 --> 00:46:15,368
is right.

531
00:46:15,370 --> 00:46:18,950
As long as we have this water, we have
some hope.

532
00:46:19,190 --> 00:46:24,270
And you can all take it from me. My 100
% full -time employment from this moment

533
00:46:24,270 --> 00:46:28,210
on will be to protect our precious
natural resource.

534
00:46:28,890 --> 00:46:32,070
Ain't no one gonna tango with the
wrangle.

535
00:46:45,730 --> 00:46:52,730
Even ladies hold on there Gordy now you
get

536
00:46:52,730 --> 00:46:55,850
back on in there and you assert yourself
And I think you'll find the people that

537
00:46:55,850 --> 00:46:58,410
this year town to be surprisingly
hospitable I

538
00:46:58,410 --> 00:47:03,710
Stand corrected

539
00:47:15,660 --> 00:47:17,400
Get them hands up where I can see them.

540
00:47:18,220 --> 00:47:19,340
Just as I suspected.

541
00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:21,900
Prospecting without the authorized
equipment.

542
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:23,400
Don't move a muckle.

543
00:47:23,940 --> 00:47:24,940
I'll take them.

544
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:33,360
Now, you got your shovel, pickaxe,
benadryl, loofah, sorted snacks, some

545
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:35,060
books, and you're gonna need a permit.

546
00:47:35,880 --> 00:47:41,300
Get your Jedi what the damn hell's going
on up there. I've had polyps removed

547
00:47:41,300 --> 00:47:42,700
smarter than the two of you.

548
00:47:44,080 --> 00:47:49,860
Hell's... This ain't a bar. The sheriff
is standing right here helping us out.

549
00:47:50,020 --> 00:47:53,340
Gonna give us a permit for prospecting.
That's right, sir.

550
00:47:53,620 --> 00:47:54,700
Just doing my duty.

551
00:47:55,740 --> 00:48:00,140
The lonely constable on his rounds,
keeping an eagle eye out for mayhem and

552
00:48:00,140 --> 00:48:03,140
malfeasance. He look like he's hound? Mm
-hmm.

553
00:48:04,320 --> 00:48:10,040
Well, Sheriff, if we was to hit the
mother load, being prospectors and such,

554
00:48:10,300 --> 00:48:13,220
where would we deposit said annuity?

555
00:48:13,630 --> 00:48:16,890
Well, here in the town of Dirt, we
happen to have the finest financial

556
00:48:16,890 --> 00:48:18,330
institution this side of Missouri.

557
00:48:20,470 --> 00:48:22,930
Protected morning, noon, and night by
yours truly.

558
00:48:24,850 --> 00:48:25,850
Much obliged.

559
00:48:26,930 --> 00:48:28,230
The bank's been robbed!

560
00:48:28,570 --> 00:48:29,650
The bank's been robbed!

561
00:48:30,310 --> 00:48:32,270
Oh, good Lord, the bank's been robbed!

562
00:48:32,910 --> 00:48:34,410
What's going on? Don't go!

563
00:48:35,390 --> 00:48:37,670
What'd he say? He said the bank's been
robbed!

564
00:48:38,150 --> 00:48:39,630
Well, Dr. Marks, I'm on fire.

565
00:48:40,170 --> 00:48:41,170
Embrace me.

566
00:48:51,799 --> 00:48:55,160
All right, folks, stand back, clear the
area. This is a crime scene now.

567
00:48:55,560 --> 00:48:59,060
Secure the perimeter, dust for prints,
check for fibers, scan for DNA. I want a

568
00:48:59,060 --> 00:49:01,180
urine sample from everyone and get me a
latte.

569
00:49:01,620 --> 00:49:02,620
Don't mix up the two.

570
00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:03,800
What's this?

571
00:49:04,940 --> 00:49:05,940
Prospecting permit.

572
00:49:06,140 --> 00:49:06,899
I'll take that.

573
00:49:06,900 --> 00:49:07,799
Material evidence.

574
00:49:07,800 --> 00:49:10,400
What are we going to do now, Sheriff? We
need that water.

575
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:17,760
My friends, we all know what we have to
do now. That's right. We all know what

576
00:49:17,760 --> 00:49:18,760
we have to do now.

577
00:49:19,500 --> 00:49:23,320
And that would be... Farm a possum.

578
00:49:25,760 --> 00:49:27,220
A possum.

579
00:49:28,820 --> 00:49:31,960
Now, we're going to be doing this in an
orderly fashion.

580
00:49:32,440 --> 00:49:35,020
First off, does anybody here know...

581
00:49:41,450 --> 00:49:43,070
What do we do now, Sheriff?

582
00:49:43,610 --> 00:49:45,550
Now, we ride.

583
00:50:11,900 --> 00:50:15,520
Now, as my deputy, you'll be in charge
of all tracking and finding the

584
00:50:15,660 --> 00:50:18,100
utilizing your well -developed
ingenuity. No offense taken.

585
00:50:18,800 --> 00:50:21,880
So which way do you think they went? You
want to sniff the air or commune with a

586
00:50:21,880 --> 00:50:22,880
buffalo or something?

587
00:50:26,500 --> 00:50:27,880
Ooh, you're good.

588
00:50:31,080 --> 00:50:32,480
Now, I'm depending on you, Spoon.

589
00:50:32,720 --> 00:50:34,940
Ooh, you got a little tobacco in the
beard there.

590
00:50:35,180 --> 00:50:37,620
Man, always good to have a medical man
along, Doc.

591
00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:40,820
Reptiles. Gotta stick together, right,
my brother?

592
00:50:41,420 --> 00:50:43,540
I'm an amphibian. Ain't no shame in
that.

593
00:50:45,200 --> 00:50:46,200
Whoa!

594
00:50:46,400 --> 00:50:49,960
Are you sure you're fit for duty there,
soldier?

595
00:50:50,620 --> 00:50:51,620
Well,

596
00:50:52,180 --> 00:50:53,800
you got a little something in your eye
there.

597
00:50:54,540 --> 00:50:55,399
Oh, that?

598
00:50:55,400 --> 00:50:57,040
That there's conjunctivitis, sir.

599
00:50:57,440 --> 00:50:58,440
It's hereditary.

600
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:01,200
Oh. Well, I'm glad to hear it's not
contagious.

601
00:51:02,800 --> 00:51:07,940
Now, just wait a cotton -picking minute.
A posse ain't no place for a... Whoa,

602
00:51:09,260 --> 00:51:10,740
whoa, whoa. Hold on there, little
sister.

603
00:51:11,210 --> 00:51:13,490
Someone's going to have to look after
the town while I'm gone.

604
00:51:15,350 --> 00:51:16,530
Can I go shoot someone?

605
00:51:18,270 --> 00:51:19,270
Let's put a pin in that.

606
00:51:20,710 --> 00:51:23,570
Sheriff, you're going to bring that
water back, aren't you?

607
00:51:24,710 --> 00:51:25,770
Count on it, little sister.

608
00:51:28,950 --> 00:51:31,910
Which way do we go, Sheriff? There's
tunnels everywhere.

609
00:51:32,490 --> 00:51:35,530
The whole town's perforated with them.
She's got more holes in her than a

610
00:51:35,530 --> 00:51:37,190
painted lady on a Pokemon.

611
00:51:37,710 --> 00:51:39,970
Hey, my daddy took me to her place.

612
00:51:41,230 --> 00:51:42,270
Not what I expected.

613
00:51:43,750 --> 00:51:46,190
How'd them fellas find the bank anyway?

614
00:51:46,770 --> 00:51:49,730
Gentlemen, if we can just stay on task
here. Over here.

615
00:51:54,730 --> 00:51:55,990
Would you look at that?

616
00:51:56,190 --> 00:51:57,930
Like seeing the face of God.

617
00:51:58,210 --> 00:51:59,210
Amen, brother.

618
00:51:59,310 --> 00:52:04,370
I remember when it used to flow every
Wednesday. Those were the halcyon days.

619
00:52:04,710 --> 00:52:07,870
Must be a reason she quit on us.
Whatever the reason.

620
00:52:08,350 --> 00:52:10,690
Something is controlling this here
water.

621
00:52:11,030 --> 00:52:12,030
What do you say, Sheriff?

622
00:52:12,190 --> 00:52:16,510
Uh, clearly the robbers came from this
direction.

623
00:52:16,770 --> 00:52:20,270
I say we track this pipe back to its
hydraulic origin and apprehend the

624
00:52:20,270 --> 00:52:21,550
behind this aquatic conundrum.

625
00:52:21,790 --> 00:52:22,749
What'd he say?

626
00:52:22,750 --> 00:52:26,070
I think he said follow the pipe. He said
follow the pipe. He said follow the

627
00:52:26,070 --> 00:52:27,070
pipe.

628
00:52:30,630 --> 00:52:33,010
It sure is humid down here.

629
00:52:33,310 --> 00:52:35,670
Yeah, it's activated in my piles.

630
00:52:36,090 --> 00:52:37,910
I had a gourd to remove once.

631
00:52:38,300 --> 00:52:40,960
Look like Tony Bennett stepping out of
the shower.

632
00:52:41,340 --> 00:52:43,560
I put that on the tortilla.

633
00:52:55,000 --> 00:52:59,100
Whatever you do, do not look down.

634
00:53:00,260 --> 00:53:01,260
Whoa!

635
00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:03,540
What is this place?

636
00:53:03,860 --> 00:53:04,920
It's an aquifer.

637
00:53:05,140 --> 00:53:06,140
Wow.

638
00:53:07,240 --> 00:53:08,240
What's an aquifer?

639
00:53:08,600 --> 00:53:10,040
Well, we're out there.

640
00:53:11,640 --> 00:53:12,640
Well, empty now.

641
00:53:32,540 --> 00:53:33,540
That's a big one.

642
00:53:37,140 --> 00:53:38,440
It's the end of the line.

643
00:53:38,660 --> 00:53:39,760
Don't go no further.

644
00:53:40,020 --> 00:53:41,760
Well, now that there is a pipe.

645
00:53:42,060 --> 00:53:43,780
It's got to be connected to something.

646
00:53:44,020 --> 00:53:48,240
You talk too much. Why don't you put a
cork in it? How'd you put a cork? I told

647
00:53:48,240 --> 00:53:51,520
you it was a central sign. Your mama
did. I'll cook her right up. You just

648
00:53:51,520 --> 00:53:52,328
get it, do you?

649
00:53:52,330 --> 00:53:57,090
Someone or something is messing with our
hydration, and that pipe's got

650
00:53:57,090 --> 00:54:00,050
something to do with it. Now, I thought
we was pulling bank robbers. We're

651
00:54:00,050 --> 00:54:04,190
experiencing a paradigm shift. I'm going
to shift the features on your face if

652
00:54:04,190 --> 00:54:05,370
you don't shut up. Go ahead, try.

653
00:54:07,490 --> 00:54:08,490
Quiet,

654
00:54:08,590 --> 00:54:11,030
you savages. Stop your babbling. You're
affecting my connotation.

655
00:54:13,310 --> 00:54:14,730
Whoa, I got it.

656
00:54:15,170 --> 00:54:16,170
Snuff out them torches.

657
00:54:26,480 --> 00:54:29,600
Get your foot out of my face! Not bad,
huh, Vince?

658
00:54:29,800 --> 00:54:32,200
You keep thinking like that, your head's
gonna catch on fire.

659
00:54:32,480 --> 00:54:36,760
Well, you know, you get on a roll,
you... Hot, hot, burn.

660
00:54:37,100 --> 00:54:38,100
Oh, oh, ow.

661
00:54:48,460 --> 00:54:49,460
Poor thing.

662
00:54:49,820 --> 00:54:51,700
All they wanted was a little water.

663
00:54:51,960 --> 00:54:53,580
Act is dying of thirst.

664
00:54:53,980 --> 00:54:55,280
I don't bode well.

665
00:54:55,500 --> 00:54:58,640
Hey, look what I found. What you got
there? Hey, I thought I found some

666
00:54:58,820 --> 00:55:00,960
Hey, that's mine. Give me that.

667
00:55:02,120 --> 00:55:03,120
He's empty anyway.

668
00:55:03,740 --> 00:55:05,320
I knew that.

669
00:55:05,540 --> 00:55:06,620
Hey, where'd you find that?

670
00:55:06,940 --> 00:55:09,380
Sheriff, you're going to want to see
this.

671
00:55:13,380 --> 00:55:15,100
It's Mr. Merrimack from the bank.

672
00:55:15,320 --> 00:55:18,720
What's he doing here? Everybody stand
back. All right, let me see this. Looks

673
00:55:18,720 --> 00:55:20,500
like them varmints shot him in the back.

674
00:55:20,960 --> 00:55:22,960
No, this man wasn't shot.

675
00:55:23,720 --> 00:55:24,720
He was drowned.

676
00:55:25,380 --> 00:55:29,180
Drowned? In the middle of the desert?
Oh, what a way to go.

677
00:55:31,420 --> 00:55:34,240
Well, now, whose boot prints are those?

678
00:55:38,980 --> 00:55:39,980
That's interesting.

679
00:55:40,520 --> 00:55:42,100
The ground's still wet.

680
00:55:42,600 --> 00:55:44,540
I suppose we should bury him.

681
00:55:44,760 --> 00:55:46,800
I don't know. Birds gotta eat, too.

682
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:48,280
Circle of life.

683
00:55:48,500 --> 00:55:51,080
Sir, will you say a few words?

684
00:55:51,340 --> 00:55:53,020
Huh? Oh, uh, yeah.

685
00:55:57,160 --> 00:56:04,040
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here
today to honor this man, Mr.

686
00:56:04,160 --> 00:56:05,160
Merrimack.

687
00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:08,880
You have the right to remain silent,
speak now, or forever hold your peace.

688
00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:10,440
Amen.

689
00:56:11,880 --> 00:56:14,880
Hey, what's that dadgum Indian doing?

690
00:56:18,800 --> 00:56:21,140
I see you're consulting with the
spirits.

691
00:56:21,560 --> 00:56:23,040
No. I'm molting.

692
00:56:23,320 --> 00:56:24,940
Means I'm ready to mate.

693
00:56:25,340 --> 00:56:27,700
Oh. I'll keep that in mind.

694
00:56:28,700 --> 00:56:29,700
Cactus root.

695
00:56:29,980 --> 00:56:30,980
Ah, yes.

696
00:56:31,180 --> 00:56:34,660
The ancient cactus root. I believe your
people use it as seasoning when

697
00:56:34,660 --> 00:56:35,700
preparing your native dishes.

698
00:56:36,040 --> 00:56:37,720
Also, natural laxative.

699
00:56:38,880 --> 00:56:40,400
Pick up trail.

700
00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:42,420
Three men heading west.

701
00:56:42,660 --> 00:56:43,660
One blind.

702
00:56:43,840 --> 00:56:50,280
One with a large prostate right inside
that hole. What is that? They're riding

703
00:56:50,280 --> 00:56:51,480
sobslaves. What?

704
00:56:52,140 --> 00:56:52,799
We're whispering.

705
00:56:52,800 --> 00:56:54,320
What do you say? Someone's got a bad
valve.

706
00:56:54,620 --> 00:56:57,000
All right. Which one of you fellas needs
a checkup?

707
00:56:58,840 --> 00:57:04,140
Awkward. Uh, what exactly are we gonna
do now?

708
00:57:05,020 --> 00:57:06,740
Now, we ride.

709
00:57:11,760 --> 00:57:13,940
That means we're riding now.

710
00:57:14,780 --> 00:57:15,780
This moment.

711
00:57:58,920 --> 00:58:02,240
Marshmallows remind me of going camping
with my daddy. I could eat them all

712
00:58:02,240 --> 00:58:03,240
night long.

713
00:58:04,980 --> 00:58:07,780
Of course, he did make me cough them
back up again for breakfast.

714
00:58:10,080 --> 00:58:14,300
This one time, I coughed up an entire
Dalmatian. That ain't nothing.

715
00:58:14,640 --> 00:58:16,800
I coughed up a whole tribe of pygmies.

716
00:58:18,140 --> 00:58:19,880
They started looking at me weird.

717
00:58:20,340 --> 00:58:21,340
I remember them.

718
00:58:21,540 --> 00:58:22,760
They was quite friendly.

719
00:58:23,260 --> 00:58:26,680
I found a human spinal column in my
fecal matter once.

720
00:58:31,120 --> 00:58:32,680
might want to get that looked at.

721
00:58:33,100 --> 00:58:35,720
Uh, Pastor Beans, Beans.

722
00:58:36,260 --> 00:58:41,640
Sheriff? Uh, no thanks. Mr. Rangel, can
you tell us about the Spirit of the

723
00:58:41,640 --> 00:58:45,040
West? Oh, yeah. Tell us about that. Do
you know what they say?

724
00:58:46,240 --> 00:58:47,240
Ah, yes.

725
00:58:47,340 --> 00:58:49,560
The Spirit of the West.

726
00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:52,160
The eternally unattainable ideal.

727
00:58:52,920 --> 00:58:57,500
They say he rides in an alabaster
carriage with golden guardians to

728
00:58:58,540 --> 00:59:03,040
But he only appears to those who have
undertaken an epic quest and have made

729
00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:04,840
to the other side.

730
00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:11,340
The other side of what?

731
00:59:11,820 --> 00:59:12,820
It's a metaphor.

732
00:59:13,580 --> 00:59:14,580
Ow, my eye!

733
00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:16,180
That's going to heal right up.

734
00:59:16,420 --> 00:59:20,160
Sheriff, what are you going to do about
Rattle, Make, Jake?

735
00:59:20,980 --> 00:59:21,980
Where?

736
00:59:23,540 --> 00:59:24,540
Sorry about that.

737
00:59:25,020 --> 00:59:27,440
Where it is, you come against him once
or twice.

738
00:59:28,500 --> 00:59:29,500
Oh, yeah.

739
00:59:30,060 --> 00:59:31,820
Jake, you mean my brother.

740
00:59:32,100 --> 00:59:33,820
Your brother? That's what I said!

741
00:59:34,800 --> 00:59:37,240
But he's a snake and you're a lizard.

742
00:59:37,820 --> 00:59:40,360
Well, Mama had an active social life.

743
00:59:41,520 --> 00:59:43,000
Did he ever bite you?

744
00:59:43,220 --> 00:59:44,940
Sure enough, did. Look at that baby.

745
00:59:45,320 --> 00:59:46,320
Go ahead, you can touch it.

746
00:59:46,540 --> 00:59:47,620
Oh, that's interesting.

747
00:59:48,840 --> 00:59:50,220
That there's a belly button.

748
00:59:50,580 --> 00:59:53,640
Luckily, I'm immune to his venom. Put
some in my coffee just to give it a

749
00:59:53,640 --> 00:59:56,080
tang. Is it true he's only scared of
them hawks?

750
00:59:56,440 --> 00:59:58,860
Them's what we call his natural
predator.

751
01:00:01,340 --> 01:00:04,640
All this talk of that serpentine devil's
putting my quills on edge.

752
01:00:04,860 --> 01:00:05,860
I ain't sleeping tonight.

753
01:00:05,920 --> 01:00:06,839
No, sir.

754
01:00:06,840 --> 01:00:10,260
Don't y 'all worry about a thing. Come
tomorrow, we'll locate that water and

755
01:00:10,260 --> 01:00:11,860
return to a hero's welcome.

756
01:00:13,260 --> 01:00:18,800
Friends, before we bunk down, I'd like
us all to join hands for a moment. Say a

757
01:00:18,800 --> 01:00:20,840
few words to the spirit of the West.

758
01:00:25,040 --> 01:00:27,560
Ain't always spoken rightly to you,
Spirit of the West.

759
01:00:28,200 --> 01:00:33,840
But tonight, I want to thank you for
bringing Sheriff Rango into our lives.

760
01:00:34,800 --> 01:00:36,400
It's a hard life we got.

761
01:00:36,780 --> 01:00:39,540
Sometimes, I don't know how we're going
to make it.

762
01:00:40,420 --> 01:00:43,420
Somehow, Sheriff Rango makes me think we
will.

763
01:00:44,460 --> 01:00:47,180
We needed a brave man, and he sent us
one.

764
01:00:48,500 --> 01:00:50,600
Nice to have someone to believe in
again.

765
01:00:51,680 --> 01:00:53,400
Thank you, Spirit of the West.

766
01:00:54,800 --> 01:00:55,800
Amen.

767
01:01:30,080 --> 01:01:31,460
Ooh, just checking.

768
01:01:34,340 --> 01:01:35,340
It's a little cold tonight.

769
01:01:35,720 --> 01:01:36,720
Thank you.

770
01:01:39,500 --> 01:01:42,220
You ever feel like those things are
looking at you?

771
01:01:42,640 --> 01:01:43,880
That's a Spanish dagger.

772
01:01:44,280 --> 01:01:46,780
But around here, we just call them the
walking cactus.

773
01:01:47,500 --> 01:01:51,700
Walking? There's an old legend they
actually walk across the desert to find

774
01:01:51,700 --> 01:01:55,600
water. When I was a little girl, I'd
stay up late watching them to see if

775
01:01:55,600 --> 01:01:59,680
move. I thought if I could follow them,
they'd lead me to someplace wonderful.

776
01:02:00,500 --> 01:02:03,460
Someplace with enough water for
everyone.

777
01:02:04,920 --> 01:02:06,780
Night after night, I watched them.

778
01:02:07,780 --> 01:02:09,380
I never saw them move.

779
01:02:10,360 --> 01:02:11,560
But you're still watching?

780
01:02:11,940 --> 01:02:13,940
Who didn't want to find someplace
wonderful?

781
01:02:15,400 --> 01:02:16,740
We'll find the water beans.

782
01:02:16,960 --> 01:02:17,960
I promise you.

783
01:02:21,840 --> 01:02:23,520
It's such a lonely sound.

784
01:02:25,100 --> 01:02:26,100
You ever get lonely?

785
01:02:27,180 --> 01:02:28,180
Sometimes.

786
01:02:28,440 --> 01:02:32,880
I can't imagine it. You're such a
charmer, and everyone likes you so much.

787
01:02:33,440 --> 01:02:36,420
I never made friends easy like that.

788
01:02:36,700 --> 01:02:41,100
No? No, we're pretty isolated out there
on the ranch, sort of like being sealed

789
01:02:41,100 --> 01:02:42,160
up in a little box.

790
01:02:42,880 --> 01:02:45,540
Don't really see a lot of folks.

791
01:02:45,880 --> 01:02:48,020
I wouldn't know what that's like.

792
01:02:49,300 --> 01:02:51,400
There someone special in your life,
Ringo?

793
01:02:52,169 --> 01:02:54,910
Oh, well, there used to be, but she
couldn't keep her head.

794
01:02:55,530 --> 01:02:57,350
Besides, my life's too dangerous for
that kind of thing.

795
01:02:57,610 --> 01:03:00,510
You know, it's an awful solitary
existence out there on the prairie.

796
01:03:01,090 --> 01:03:02,430
Riding the ranges and the touchline.

797
01:03:05,410 --> 01:03:06,410
Beans?

798
01:03:07,810 --> 01:03:08,810
Beans?

799
01:03:30,410 --> 01:03:31,590
Cholera requirements, ain't they?

800
01:03:32,130 --> 01:03:33,130
Dysfunctional family.

801
01:03:33,230 --> 01:03:34,230
Need intervention.

802
01:03:35,710 --> 01:03:36,710
What's that coming?

803
01:03:39,230 --> 01:03:40,230
It's the water.

804
01:03:40,670 --> 01:03:41,970
The water.

805
01:03:42,170 --> 01:03:43,510
I have a plan.

806
01:03:44,010 --> 01:03:46,250
And each and every one of you has a part
to play.

807
01:03:46,610 --> 01:03:47,710
What do I do?

808
01:03:48,170 --> 01:03:51,230
Spoons, you got the most important job
of all. You stay up here on the ridge,

809
01:03:51,290 --> 01:03:54,530
and if anything goes wrong, you give the
signal.

810
01:04:06,130 --> 01:04:08,850
It means, what size dress are you
wearing?

811
01:04:09,650 --> 01:04:10,650
I got it!

812
01:04:11,190 --> 01:04:14,030
Hallelujah! You did it, son!

813
01:04:14,330 --> 01:04:17,410
Well, actually... Why can't you be all
ready like a brother?

814
01:04:17,830 --> 01:04:21,410
I'm happy about that water. There's
something I got to tell you. Hush, hush

815
01:04:21,410 --> 01:04:22,550
now. Somebody's coming.

816
01:04:23,250 --> 01:04:24,149
Woo -hoo!

817
01:04:24,150 --> 01:04:25,550
Ha -ha! Good sir!

818
01:04:25,950 --> 01:04:30,810
Gracious good afternoon to thee and thee
and thee! May I present, Madam Lupo's

819
01:04:30,810 --> 01:04:32,330
Temsecorean troop of...

820
01:04:35,210 --> 01:04:35,968
What is that?

821
01:04:35,970 --> 01:04:37,190
I think they're staspians.

822
01:04:37,630 --> 01:04:40,150
Staspians? That's illegal in seven
states.

823
01:04:40,610 --> 01:04:44,210
The stage is set. The princess prepares
to take her own life.

824
01:04:44,470 --> 01:04:45,730
I yearn for love.

825
01:04:46,090 --> 01:04:48,990
Meanwhile, the lone sentry stands watch
at the castle gate.

826
01:04:51,030 --> 01:04:52,930
Stands watch at the castle gate.

827
01:04:53,970 --> 01:04:55,890
Hark! Who goes there?

828
01:04:56,170 --> 01:04:59,350
This plot's highly predictable. Quiet!
This is my favorite part.

829
01:04:59,610 --> 01:05:01,970
Arriving to great fanfare, it was her
aged father.

830
01:05:20,640 --> 01:05:21,860
What was that?

831
01:05:22,160 --> 01:05:25,260
We got you surrounded.

832
01:05:25,520 --> 01:05:28,560
You and your entire family get your
hands up where I can see them.

833
01:05:29,380 --> 01:05:31,400
My entire family?

834
01:05:56,130 --> 01:05:57,250
It's a full house.

835
01:05:58,190 --> 01:06:01,650
Looks like we're going to have ourselves
a good old -fashioned standoff.

836
01:06:02,370 --> 01:06:05,970
I'll have you know, you're not looking
at our entire contingent.

837
01:06:13,290 --> 01:06:15,170
What's that? What's that supposed to be?

838
01:06:15,470 --> 01:06:16,690
That's the signal.

839
01:06:17,350 --> 01:06:18,350
That's the signal.

840
01:06:18,590 --> 01:06:19,990
Something must have gone wrong.

841
01:06:24,330 --> 01:06:27,650
So, uh, something's supposed to happen?

842
01:06:28,470 --> 01:06:31,590
I am open to suggestions.

843
01:06:55,720 --> 01:06:57,660
Have ourselves some sport chillings.

844
01:06:58,040 --> 01:07:00,280
I like it when they run.

845
01:07:00,800 --> 01:07:03,120
Maybe I'll give the holler.

846
01:07:03,760 --> 01:07:04,760
Yee -haw!

847
01:07:05,820 --> 01:07:06,860
Yee -haw!

848
01:07:07,560 --> 01:07:13,240
Yee -haw! Looks like we made it. That
audience is quite responsive.

849
01:07:13,500 --> 01:07:15,700
Yeah, well, I think that clown was on
poos about dried up.

850
01:08:14,070 --> 01:08:15,250
It's time for the...

851
01:09:15,860 --> 01:09:18,380
We'll see, folks. Give them some gumbo
now.

852
01:10:01,610 --> 01:10:02,610
No!

853
01:12:04,650 --> 01:12:08,750
What the hell have we been fighting for?
Sir, you have defiled and desecrated

854
01:12:08,750 --> 01:12:10,250
the very sustenance of our livelihood.

855
01:12:10,690 --> 01:12:13,390
I don't think that they're failing the
party dressed as the sheriff.

856
01:12:13,690 --> 01:12:16,010
That's the same fellow who would give us
a prospecting permit.

857
01:12:16,370 --> 01:12:17,370
A what?

858
01:12:17,710 --> 01:12:21,310
Irrelevant. Obfuscation. You and your
kin are under arrest for bank robbery

859
01:12:21,310 --> 01:12:25,410
the murder of our beloved financial
advisor, Johannes Merrimack III, a .k

860
01:12:26,110 --> 01:12:26,909
Fluffy Joe.

861
01:12:26,910 --> 01:12:30,180
Sheriff, we didn't kill nobody. We don't
tunnel into that vault. but there

862
01:12:30,180 --> 01:12:33,480
weren't nothing in it. Somebody done
robbed that bank before we robbed it.

863
01:12:33,480 --> 01:12:34,500
where'd you get this here jug?

864
01:12:35,020 --> 01:12:38,240
That's what I've been trying to tell
you, Pappy. I found it in the desert.

865
01:12:38,500 --> 01:12:42,460
There's a wide tarnation that you can
bring in here. Hold on, hold on.

866
01:12:42,880 --> 01:12:46,800
You're saying this here jug was empty
when you found it? Uh -huh, that's

867
01:12:47,140 --> 01:12:49,300
I don't believe a word of it. Let's hang
him, Sheriff.

868
01:12:49,520 --> 01:12:51,740
Who would dump water in the desert?

869
01:12:52,100 --> 01:12:53,420
Wouldn't be the first time.

870
01:12:54,100 --> 01:12:55,019
It's a puzzle.

871
01:12:55,020 --> 01:12:56,420
It's like a big old mammogram.

872
01:12:57,280 --> 01:12:58,660
What's going on, Sheriff?

873
01:12:59,210 --> 01:13:00,188
I don't know.

874
01:13:00,190 --> 01:13:03,630
But I'm going to strip away this mystery
and expose its private parts.

875
01:13:04,370 --> 01:13:06,230
You and your kin are coming with me.

876
01:13:40,560 --> 01:13:41,600
Where's the water?

877
01:13:44,980 --> 01:13:46,340
There weren't no water.

878
01:14:01,300 --> 01:14:02,300
Where's he going?

879
01:14:03,860 --> 01:14:05,560
He's going to see the mayor.

880
01:14:08,640 --> 01:14:10,540
You've got to be pleased with that,
yeah?

881
01:14:22,120 --> 01:14:23,120
That's interesting.

882
01:14:23,160 --> 01:14:28,400
I do apologize for the shoes, Mr. Rango,
but there's a certain protocol to this

883
01:14:28,400 --> 01:14:29,400
game, you understand?

884
01:14:29,720 --> 01:14:31,940
I'm a bit of a stickler for protocol.

885
01:14:32,320 --> 01:14:35,920
Well, that's good, because you've got a
few questions to answer, and I've got my

886
01:14:35,920 --> 01:14:36,920
own protocol.

887
01:14:41,580 --> 01:14:44,340
But why would anyone dump water in the
blooming desert?

888
01:14:44,660 --> 01:14:48,320
It does seem a bit naive taking the word
of admitted bank robbers.

889
01:14:48,560 --> 01:14:51,500
Besides, once they hang, your job is
done.

890
01:14:52,480 --> 01:14:56,620
Bravo! What if somebody did rob the bank
before they got there?

891
01:14:56,940 --> 01:14:58,800
And who would do that, Mr. Rango?

892
01:14:59,300 --> 01:15:01,240
I was hoping you could tell me.

893
01:15:01,480 --> 01:15:04,280
That sounds marginally near to an
accusation.

894
01:15:04,580 --> 01:15:06,040
Take it any way you like.

895
01:15:12,270 --> 01:15:16,490
Something you said keeps rattling around
in my frontal lobe. What's that?

896
01:15:17,370 --> 01:15:20,950
Control the water, and you control
everything.

897
01:15:21,610 --> 01:15:26,450
Come now, Mr. Rango. You attribute
divine power to me.

898
01:15:26,670 --> 01:15:29,750
How on earth can I possibly control the
water?

899
01:15:32,770 --> 01:15:35,830
You've obviously mastered this game.

900
01:15:36,070 --> 01:15:39,090
Well, I've been playing it for many
years, sir.

901
01:15:39,800 --> 01:15:44,540
I was here before the highway split this
great valley. I watched the march of

902
01:15:44,540 --> 01:15:47,320
progress, and I learned a thing or two.

903
01:15:48,460 --> 01:15:51,520
Perhaps it's time you started to take
the long view.

904
01:15:51,740 --> 01:15:55,000
Begin to appreciate the broad suite of
history.

905
01:15:56,100 --> 01:15:57,300
Look out there, son.

906
01:15:58,580 --> 01:16:00,980
You can almost see time passing.

907
01:16:04,220 --> 01:16:06,000
What are you building out here?

908
01:16:06,340 --> 01:16:08,060
The future, Mr. Rango.

909
01:16:08,750 --> 01:16:09,750
The future.

910
01:16:09,930 --> 01:16:13,350
One day soon, all this is going to fade
into myth.

911
01:16:13,710 --> 01:16:18,350
The frontier town, the lawmen, the
gunslinger. There's just no place for

912
01:16:18,350 --> 01:16:20,430
anymore. We're civilized now.

913
01:16:20,810 --> 01:16:21,810
That's right.

914
01:16:21,970 --> 01:16:27,250
Civilized. That's what the future holds.
You can either be part of it, or you

915
01:16:27,250 --> 01:16:28,250
can be left behind.

916
01:16:28,770 --> 01:16:30,590
Is that what happened to Mr. Merrimack?

917
01:16:31,010 --> 01:16:36,330
Did he get left behind? Careful, Mr.
Engle. You seem to forget you're just

918
01:16:36,330 --> 01:16:37,330
little lizard.

919
01:16:37,880 --> 01:16:38,920
You seem to forget.

920
01:16:39,380 --> 01:16:41,320
I'm the law around these parts.

921
01:16:44,160 --> 01:16:48,580
Our new sheriff has been playing the
hero for so long, he's actually starting

922
01:16:48,580 --> 01:16:49,580
believe it.

923
01:16:50,000 --> 01:16:52,100
All in, Rattlesnake Jake.

924
01:16:53,280 --> 01:16:54,620
Jake's the Grim Reaper.

925
01:16:55,040 --> 01:16:57,240
He never leaves you without taking a
blooming soul.

926
01:16:57,740 --> 01:16:58,740
Do it!

927
01:17:13,450 --> 01:17:17,190
Now be still. You've got to look
presentable to meet your maker.

928
01:17:17,630 --> 01:17:22,290
La muerte ha llegado.

929
01:17:23,190 --> 01:17:28,570
Death has arrived. ¿Dónde están tus

930
01:17:28,570 --> 01:17:34,650
huevos? How will the hero survive?

931
01:17:39,070 --> 01:17:42,150
The mayor has bought up all the land in
the valley.

932
01:17:42,720 --> 01:17:44,660
Except for your ranch, Miss Beans.

933
01:17:44,880 --> 01:17:46,280
That just don't make no sense.

934
01:17:46,540 --> 01:17:48,620
Without water, that land is useless.

935
01:17:49,000 --> 01:17:53,060
Unless he controls the water like a
monkey's bladder.

936
01:17:53,380 --> 01:17:55,740
Then he could bring it back once he's
bought up all the land.

937
01:17:56,020 --> 01:17:57,840
But how does he control the water?

938
01:17:59,340 --> 01:18:03,900
Well, you gotta spend some time training
them. Because, you know, monkeys, when

939
01:18:03,900 --> 01:18:05,180
they do go, you rub their nose in it.

940
01:18:05,960 --> 01:18:07,480
Sheriff, we got a problem.

941
01:18:14,570 --> 01:18:15,570
Hold on, Beans.

942
01:18:16,250 --> 01:18:17,530
That won't be necessary.

943
01:18:21,370 --> 01:18:21,970
You

944
01:18:21,970 --> 01:18:33,650
two

945
01:18:33,650 --> 01:18:38,990
spoons? They done taken that water. They
taken everything we got. No one's

946
01:18:38,990 --> 01:18:41,190
stringing anyone up. Not while I'm
sharing.

947
01:18:45,100 --> 01:18:47,540
It's just we got no hope without that
water.

948
01:18:47,760 --> 01:18:49,740
We got nothing left to believe in.

949
01:18:50,280 --> 01:18:51,640
You see that sign up there?

950
01:18:52,480 --> 01:18:56,700
As long as that sign says sheriff, you
can believe that there's law and order

951
01:18:56,700 --> 01:18:57,279
this town.

952
01:18:57,280 --> 01:18:58,940
But without law and order.

953
01:18:59,320 --> 01:19:00,320
Ruminate on that.

954
01:19:00,520 --> 01:19:01,520
Oh, yeah.

955
01:19:01,880 --> 01:19:04,120
Starts out slow like a fungus.

956
01:19:04,740 --> 01:19:08,860
Somebody says a crossword, accusations
start flying, neighbor turns on

957
01:19:08,900 --> 01:19:11,780
Pretty soon, we're eating our children,
then dogs and cats are getting together

958
01:19:11,780 --> 01:19:13,940
to create all sorts of unnatural mutant
aberrations.

959
01:19:15,530 --> 01:19:18,150
So you want something to believe in,
Spoons?

960
01:19:19,650 --> 01:19:20,650
Believe in me.

961
01:19:22,290 --> 01:19:24,090
Believe in that there sign.

962
01:19:25,170 --> 01:19:28,710
For as long as it hangs there, we got
hope.

963
01:19:54,799 --> 01:19:56,160
Hello, brother.

964
01:19:56,880 --> 01:19:58,280
So stingy.

965
01:20:04,840 --> 01:20:11,840
Long time, brother.

966
01:20:12,200 --> 01:20:13,680
How you been keeping?

967
01:20:14,120 --> 01:20:15,980
Oh, well, you know.

968
01:20:17,800 --> 01:20:23,540
I hear you've been telling about how you
killed all them Kinkins brothers with

969
01:20:23,540 --> 01:20:24,540
one bullet.

970
01:20:24,600 --> 01:20:25,800
Wasn't that right?

971
01:20:27,040 --> 01:20:33,340
All these good folks here believe your
little stories, don't they? Why, they

972
01:20:33,340 --> 01:20:36,120
believe you're just a stone killer,
don't they?

973
01:20:36,340 --> 01:20:39,140
Seems these folks trust you.

974
01:20:39,380 --> 01:20:42,180
They think you're going to save their
little town.

975
01:20:42,540 --> 01:20:45,700
They think you're going to save their
little home.

976
01:20:59,340 --> 01:21:02,660
So why don't you show your friends here
what you're made of?

977
01:21:02,960 --> 01:21:05,440
Show them who you really are.

978
01:21:05,840 --> 01:21:08,340
Why don't you just pull your gun and
shoot me?

979
01:21:09,080 --> 01:21:14,020
But of course, you want me to be just
one, right?

980
01:21:16,160 --> 01:21:17,540
Go ahead, hero.

981
01:21:18,040 --> 01:21:19,200
Pull the trigger.

982
01:21:22,620 --> 01:21:25,180
You got killer in your eyes, son.

983
01:21:27,300 --> 01:21:28,720
I don't see it.

984
01:21:31,920 --> 01:21:36,880
You didn't do any of them things you
said, did you? You didn't kill them

985
01:21:36,880 --> 01:21:40,200
brothers. You ain't even from the West,
are you?

986
01:21:41,580 --> 01:21:42,580
Say it!

987
01:21:43,460 --> 01:21:47,840
No. Oh, speak up. I don't think your
friends here heard you.

988
01:21:49,980 --> 01:21:55,180
No. All you've done is lie to these good
people. You ain't nothing but a fake

989
01:21:55,180 --> 01:21:56,180
and a coward.

990
01:21:56,420 --> 01:21:57,420
Isn't that right?

991
01:21:58,720 --> 01:22:00,020
Yes. Louder!

992
01:22:00,380 --> 01:22:01,380
Yes.

993
01:22:12,010 --> 01:22:16,250
If I ever see you again, I will take
your soul straight down down.

994
01:26:35,310 --> 01:26:36,570
Yell about your carriage.

995
01:26:40,070 --> 01:26:43,270
The spirit of the West.

996
01:26:46,170 --> 01:26:50,050
Excuse me, Mr.

997
01:26:51,050 --> 01:26:52,170
Spirit, sir?

998
01:26:53,810 --> 01:26:55,990
Ah, there's a beaut.

999
01:26:56,470 --> 01:26:59,750
Sometimes you gotta dig deep to find
what you're looking for.

1000
01:27:01,610 --> 01:27:02,850
So you made it.

1001
01:27:04,040 --> 01:27:05,040
Is this heaven?

1002
01:27:05,320 --> 01:27:08,940
If it were, we'd be eating Pop -Tarts
with Kim Novak.

1003
01:27:09,440 --> 01:27:11,300
Yeah. No kidding.

1004
01:27:12,800 --> 01:27:14,200
What are you doing out here?

1005
01:27:14,780 --> 01:27:16,140
Searching. Same as you.

1006
01:27:17,340 --> 01:27:19,940
I don't even know what I'm looking for
anymore.

1007
01:27:20,720 --> 01:27:22,100
I don't even know who I am.

1008
01:27:23,760 --> 01:27:25,820
They used to call you the man with no
name.

1009
01:27:27,100 --> 01:27:29,800
These days, they got a name for just
about everything.

1010
01:27:31,020 --> 01:27:32,520
Doesn't matter what they call you.

1011
01:27:32,990 --> 01:27:34,690
It's the deeds that make the man.

1012
01:27:35,370 --> 01:27:38,810
Yeah, but my deeds just made things
worse. I'm a fraud. I'm a phony.

1013
01:27:39,310 --> 01:27:44,710
My friends believed in me, but they need
some kind of hero. Then be a hero.

1014
01:27:45,130 --> 01:27:46,130
Oh, no. No, no.

1015
01:27:46,390 --> 01:27:49,010
You don't understand. I'm not even
supposed to be here.

1016
01:27:49,290 --> 01:27:50,148
That's right.

1017
01:27:50,150 --> 01:27:53,250
You came a long way to find something
that isn't out here.

1018
01:27:54,610 --> 01:27:55,610
Don't you see?

1019
01:27:55,890 --> 01:27:57,050
It's not about you.

1020
01:27:58,150 --> 01:27:59,210
It's about them.

1021
01:28:02,570 --> 01:28:03,750
But I can't go back.

1022
01:28:04,310 --> 01:28:06,130
Don't know that you got a choice, son.

1023
01:28:10,410 --> 01:28:12,970
No man can walk out on his own story.

1024
01:28:25,590 --> 01:28:26,810
So you made it.

1025
01:28:28,850 --> 01:28:29,850
That's right, amigo.

1026
01:28:31,050 --> 01:28:32,550
The other side of the road.

1027
01:28:34,870 --> 01:28:37,030
Did you just see that?

1028
01:28:37,950 --> 01:28:40,210
We each see what we need to see.

1029
01:28:41,890 --> 01:28:43,130
Beautiful, isn't it?

1030
01:28:55,530 --> 01:28:56,530
Yeah.

1031
01:28:57,750 --> 01:28:58,750
It is.

1032
01:28:59,610 --> 01:29:00,610
Come, my friend.

1033
01:29:01,640 --> 01:29:02,920
I want to show you something.

1034
01:29:06,540 --> 01:29:11,100
Many years ago, this entire valley was
covered in agua.

1035
01:29:12,040 --> 01:29:15,360
Now, only one question remains.

1036
01:29:17,040 --> 01:29:18,220
Where did it go?

1037
01:29:55,790 --> 01:29:56,990
They follow the water.

1038
01:29:57,690 --> 01:29:58,690
Come on.

1039
01:30:34,410 --> 01:30:35,430
I just don't make no sense.

1040
01:30:35,950 --> 01:30:38,110
Without water, that land is useless.

1041
01:30:39,210 --> 01:30:40,870
What are you building out here?

1042
01:30:41,230 --> 01:30:42,990
The future, Mr. Rangel.

1043
01:30:43,230 --> 01:30:47,110
You can either be part of it, or you can
be left behind.

1044
01:30:50,070 --> 01:30:53,170
I was here before the highway split this
great valley.

1045
01:30:55,950 --> 01:31:00,530
I watched the march of the prophet, and
I learned a thing or two.

1046
01:31:09,930 --> 01:31:10,930
everything.

1047
01:31:17,910 --> 01:31:19,710
Come now, Mr. Rango.

1048
01:31:19,950 --> 01:31:24,950
You attribute divine power to me. How on
earth can I possibly control the water?

1049
01:32:01,740 --> 01:32:07,780
What now amigo No

1050
01:32:07,780 --> 01:32:13,700
man can walk out on his own story

1051
01:32:13,700 --> 01:32:16,700
I'm going back

1052
01:32:35,630 --> 01:32:38,210
You got a lot of nerve showing up here,
lawman.

1053
01:32:38,670 --> 01:32:40,070
What is it you want?

1054
01:32:41,370 --> 01:32:44,270
Your pappy and them boys are about to
hang for something they didn't do.

1055
01:32:46,330 --> 01:32:47,630
But I've got a plan.

1056
01:33:16,430 --> 01:33:20,970
I appreciate how difficult this is for
you beans, but you're making a practical

1057
01:33:20,970 --> 01:33:21,970
decision.

1058
01:33:22,330 --> 01:33:23,730
Decisions, decisions.

1059
01:33:24,690 --> 01:33:27,310
There's no need for any more suffering.

1060
01:33:30,730 --> 01:33:37,570
Your family's ranch is nothing but a
wasteland

1061
01:33:37,570 --> 01:33:43,150
now. Sign the deed and relieve yourself
of your father's burden.

1062
01:33:46,060 --> 01:33:47,840
My daddy was not a burden.

1063
01:33:48,180 --> 01:33:50,600
Keep your blood money, and I'll keep my
land.

1064
01:33:56,560 --> 01:34:01,260
Do what he says, or by all the fires of
the Black Pit, I'll squeeze them pretty

1065
01:34:01,260 --> 01:34:03,080
brown eyes out of your skull.

1066
01:34:04,560 --> 01:34:05,760
Now, hold on, Chief.

1067
01:34:06,060 --> 01:34:10,240
There's no need to do my job. You
brought me in there. We're going to play

1068
01:34:10,240 --> 01:34:11,480
thing out to the end.

1069
01:34:12,560 --> 01:34:14,620
Sign the damn paper, woman.

1070
01:34:15,530 --> 01:34:16,530
Go to hell.

1071
01:34:16,710 --> 01:34:19,290
Where do you think I come from?

1072
01:34:19,750 --> 01:34:24,390
Look into my eyes. I want to see you
die.

1073
01:34:29,610 --> 01:34:30,610
Jay!

1074
01:34:34,230 --> 01:34:36,010
I'm calling you out!

1075
01:34:38,430 --> 01:34:39,430
Jay!

1076
01:34:40,310 --> 01:34:42,690
This day just got a little...

1077
01:35:12,300 --> 01:35:16,940
Put her down or what little man you're
gonna kill me.

1078
01:35:17,180 --> 01:35:22,840
That's just about the size of it All

1079
01:35:22,840 --> 01:35:27,480
right sheriff make your move

1080
01:37:17,059 --> 01:37:18,740
Amigos! That

1081
01:37:18,740 --> 01:37:27,580
was

1082
01:37:27,580 --> 01:37:28,580
a bad idea.

1083
01:37:33,290 --> 01:37:34,290
Thirsty, brother.

1084
01:37:37,770 --> 01:37:39,050
Here it comes!

1085
01:37:47,230 --> 01:37:48,550
It's a vehicle!

1086
01:37:48,970 --> 01:37:49,970
Look out!

1087
01:37:53,650 --> 01:37:59,130
What is that?

1088
01:38:00,590 --> 01:38:02,430
It's our salvation, Pop!

1089
01:38:02,960 --> 01:38:05,600
It's a day away, boys. We're fucked it
out.

1090
01:38:15,900 --> 01:38:19,620
I'm gonna blow so many holes in you,
your guts will be licking lead.

1091
01:38:19,840 --> 01:38:22,200
Well, then it's a good thing I brought
some backup.

1092
01:38:56,519 --> 01:39:03,060
It only takes one bullet.

1093
01:39:03,140 --> 01:39:04,480
You ain't got...

1094
01:39:12,880 --> 01:39:16,160
Oh, Mr. Rango, aren't you forgetting
something?

1095
01:39:21,560 --> 01:39:23,480
Hand me your gun, Sheriff.

1096
01:39:26,580 --> 01:39:28,100
Now, Mr. Rango.

1097
01:39:53,100 --> 01:39:55,340
All my problems taken care of.

1098
01:39:55,800 --> 01:39:57,040
Except for one.

1099
01:39:57,820 --> 01:40:01,280
It's a new West, Jake. There's no room
for gunslingers anymore.

1100
01:40:01,800 --> 01:40:03,520
We're businessmen now.

1101
01:40:03,920 --> 01:40:05,020
We got new hats.

1102
01:40:05,500 --> 01:40:08,740
Where'd that come from? We call this
improvisation.

1103
01:40:22,700 --> 01:40:24,920
But I think you just swallowed Plan B.
What?

1104
01:40:27,020 --> 01:40:31,620
Okay. Panic time. You and the Sheriff
are more alike than you think.

1105
01:40:31,920 --> 01:40:33,200
You're nothing but legends.

1106
01:40:33,640 --> 01:40:37,180
Pretty soon, no one will believe you
even existed.

1107
01:40:38,100 --> 01:40:43,760
One last bullet to kill one last outlaw.

1108
01:40:45,600 --> 01:40:46,820
How fitting.

1109
01:41:21,960 --> 01:41:25,460
Now, Cheryl, I'm sure if we work
together, we can reach a mutually

1110
01:41:25,460 --> 01:41:27,760
solution to our current situation.

1111
01:41:28,160 --> 01:41:29,960
You better take it up with him.

1112
01:41:36,680 --> 01:41:43,160
One bullet.

1113
01:41:44,860 --> 01:41:46,760
I tip my hat to you.

1114
01:41:47,380 --> 01:41:49,340
One legend to another.

1115
01:41:52,300 --> 01:41:53,620
What was that you said?

1116
01:41:54,140 --> 01:41:58,300
Pretty soon no one will believe you even
instead.

1117
01:41:59,320 --> 01:42:01,060
No! No! No!

1118
01:42:01,920 --> 01:42:02,920
No!

1119
01:42:13,760 --> 01:42:15,280
Ringo! Who?

1120
01:42:16,240 --> 01:42:17,880
You brought the water back.

1121
01:42:18,180 --> 01:42:19,420
Like you promised.

1122
01:42:22,469 --> 01:42:27,750
Oh, well, the thing about heroes is
whenever you... Don't call it.

1123
01:42:28,550 --> 01:42:29,550
Right.

1124
01:42:30,210 --> 01:42:32,850
Well, I don't know about you all, but I
could sure go for a dip.

1125
01:42:36,890 --> 01:42:42,930
And so the lizard completes his journey
from humble beginnings to the legend we

1126
01:42:42,930 --> 01:42:43,930
sing of today.

1127
01:42:44,110 --> 01:42:48,830
And although he is certain to die,
perhaps from a household accident.

1128
01:42:49,290 --> 01:42:53,930
which account for 65 % of all unnatural
deaths, the people of the village will

1129
01:42:53,930 --> 01:42:58,310
honor his memory, even as they abandon
their dignity.

1130
01:43:18,880 --> 01:43:23,220
I really think you complete me. Pretty
young hands, my firemen.

1131
01:43:23,660 --> 01:43:24,059
Oh, cut, cut.

1132
01:43:24,060 --> 01:43:26,820
Everybody take five. I'm not going to
take much of your more. Oh,

1133
01:43:28,900 --> 01:43:30,900
you kids.

1134
01:43:31,120 --> 01:43:32,820
How? What'd you do that for?

1135
01:43:33,120 --> 01:43:34,059
I'm just checking.

1136
01:43:34,060 --> 01:43:37,920
I hear if you get too sunburned, you can
peel a man's face right off. Who is it?

1137
01:43:38,000 --> 01:43:41,360
Is that there? Is it humans? Don't touch
it. It's the second time that's

1138
01:43:41,360 --> 01:43:43,340
happened. This water thing's great.

1139
01:43:43,700 --> 01:43:45,000
I'm urinating right now.

1140
01:43:45,240 --> 01:43:46,240
I don't swim.

1141
01:43:46,480 --> 01:43:47,700
That's five minutes.

1142
01:43:49,450 --> 01:43:52,650
Between the points. Now, I packed your
lunch. Dana, she's in there, and I

1143
01:43:52,650 --> 01:43:55,730
the raisins out just the way you like
it. And don't forget your nasal sprays

1144
01:43:55,730 --> 01:43:59,230
your saddlebag. And your moisturizing
lotion. Now, Beans, we talked about

1145
01:43:59,410 --> 01:44:01,410
Lotion? And that's for my gun.

1146
01:44:02,110 --> 01:44:03,110
That's gun lotion.

1147
01:44:03,310 --> 01:44:04,670
Sheriff, where are you headed?

1148
01:44:04,910 --> 01:44:06,230
Oh, there's trouble down Dry Creek.

1149
01:44:06,490 --> 01:44:09,710
Bad Bill's been acting up again. Now,
honey, you come back with all your

1150
01:44:09,750 --> 01:44:12,470
and don't go trying to be a hero. That
means you are missing the point.

1151
01:44:12,710 --> 01:44:14,410
I've got an image to protect now.

1152
01:44:15,130 --> 01:44:17,010
Whoa! Where's my Tic Tac?

1153
01:44:17,650 --> 01:44:18,650
Oh.

1154
01:44:19,150 --> 01:44:19,909
I found him.

1155
01:44:19,910 --> 01:44:24,570
What's going on? Well, in order to
satisfy the needs of the collective, the

1156
01:44:24,570 --> 01:44:29,110
must abandon the self and solidify his
image as an icon that will forever be

1157
01:44:29,110 --> 01:44:32,990
remembered. Uh, so, this is the Sunset
Shop.

1158
01:44:33,310 --> 01:44:34,310
Uh -huh.

1159
01:44:41,330 --> 01:44:42,910
Give them a good one, amigo.

1160
01:44:51,080 --> 01:44:52,360
Whoa, whoa.

1161
01:44:52,860 --> 01:44:53,940
Ready, Excelsior?

1162
01:44:54,600 --> 01:45:00,560
My fellow comrade, there will be times
when you doubt yourself, when you feel

1163
01:45:00,560 --> 01:45:02,480
pummeled by the cataclysms of life.

1164
01:45:02,900 --> 01:45:04,680
Remember this moment.

1165
01:45:05,340 --> 01:45:06,560
Remember me.

1166
01:45:07,140 --> 01:45:12,860
Know that I will be there watching you,
sometimes at inappropriate moments.

1167
01:45:13,420 --> 01:45:15,200
That's part of the deal.

1168
01:45:15,460 --> 01:45:20,300
And remember that within all of us
resides the truth.

1169
01:45:20,920 --> 01:45:26,420
spirit of the let's take it from the top

1170
01:48:23,080 --> 01:48:29,860
From out of the dust came a man true and
bold, champion of the fandango.

1171
01:48:30,240 --> 01:48:36,500
By night he drank whiskey, by day killed
bad men, and the townspeople knew him

1172
01:48:36,500 --> 01:48:37,740
as Rango.

1173
01:48:40,280 --> 01:48:46,540
Coming down the mountainside, the people
hailed his name, and of his legend they

1174
01:48:46,540 --> 01:48:47,560
sang gold.

1175
01:48:48,000 --> 01:48:52,940
With iron in his heart and steel in his
soul, he pumped their...

1176
01:49:31,120 --> 01:49:32,120
The notion killed.

1177
01:50:40,490 --> 01:50:45,290
He is gone, but his legend still lives
on.

1178
01:50:45,930 --> 01:50:51,350
In the brothels at the looms of Durango.

1179
01:50:52,770 --> 01:50:55,630
He lived as he died.